The Wizard of Osborne

Lotus Elise Driving School

I have never waited with such great anticipation as I did between signing up for and attending the Lotus Elise driving school put on by Spring Mountain Advanced Driving School in Pahrump, NV April 22^nd – 23^rd.  Fortunately, the track days finally came and the whole experience lived up to the high expectations I'd formed while I waited.

During this two-day program we got to drive Lotus Elises.  As you can see, they're itty-bitty, pocket-rocket cars – or shockingly huge, powerful go-karts, if you prefer – that you can just wind up and shoot around the track.  You point, they go.  Such fantastic, sticky little machines.  There's nothing luxurious about them at all (though the 2008 California edition seems pretty swank), but the lack of any plush interior appointments, power steering, functional air conditioning, floor carpeting, etc., just makes you love them more.  Needless to say, this #3 makes My Sweet #3 look comparatively like a mega luxo-yacht…

The folks at the Spring Mountain Advanced Driving School ensure you get a lot of seat time, so we were in the cars from nearly the moment the school started.  We did wet braking exercises (with and without ABS), skid pad exercises, cornering exercises, heel-toe shifting exercises, and got some lead-follow time ALL ON THE FIRST DAY.  On the second day we reviewed heel-toeing, did some more lead-follow work, and then they let us loose on the track in the afternoon.  It was FANTASTIC.

I attended this school with a bunch of friends I'd met through last year's BMW driving schools in Pueblo.  They're a great group of guys and tough to keep up with on the track.  (In fact, I couldn't keep up with them at all.  Fortunately, the euphoria that came from having learned how to heel-toe and that I wouldn't fling myself off the track if I didn't have an instructor next to me at all times overrode the shame that came from my lack of quickness.  But I shant fret.  The speed will come in due time, I'm sure.)

So that makes for three schools under my belt.  Now all I have to figure out is…where do I go from here?  There are a zillion other schools to try, more high performance driving events put on by auto club chapters to attend, local autocross events to enter, and so on.  Where will Les and the S4 show up next?  It's hard to say, but I intend to have an awesome time figuring that out.   

 

My trusty winter steed

We've had a decent bit of snow in the Denver/Boulder metro area this year.  One night a few weeks ago when the conditions driving home from work were particularly lousy, I had time (crawling along at 5mph, clutch leg developing shin splints) to wax poetic about how lucky I've been with cars when it comes to winter driving. 

My current car, the '06 S4, has yet to be tested by any really nasty weather conditions, though she did ferry me home safely when the roads were coated with ice that night.  Nary a misplaced tire the entire way, while others were slipping sideways, failing to stop, or failing to go.  Her predecessor, though, a '01 S4, was LEGEN..wait for it...DARY.  And so begins our trusty winter steed tale.

In March of '02 I drove out to visit my parents in Kansas City, pissed the entire way there and back because the new Blizzaks the car was wearing got all wobbly and weave-y over 85mph, speed limiting my prairie crossing blast.  On the drive home, around two-thirds the way across Kansas, I noticed that the cars coming towards me were covered in snow.  (I had time to notice this since I was driving so slow.)  Seemed odd, since the roads were completely dry and the fluffy gray clouds above were lazily floating along, minding their own business. Then it started to mist.  Then the temperature dropped below 32 degrees F and the mist started to build up a thick layer of ice on the backs of my mirrors.  Hmmmm...not good.  I'd driven in an ice storm before and promised myself then and there that were I ever to find myself driving in similar circumstances, I'd pull off.  Get a hotel room.  Be safe.  Unfortunately, my "we don't need to see the road to drive" (<-- a phrase actually uttered by my Dad long ago while driving during a wicked winter storm in Indiana) genetics kicked in, reinforced by a strangely strong desire to ...just...make...it...home, so like a big ole' idiot, I continued on.

Shortly thereafter I made a quick gas stop in Goodland, Kansas, and though I was pretty sure I'd heard I-70 was closed on the station's radio, I decided to press on.  And press on I did, cutting the trail at 10mph in a white-out blizzard using the roadside markers as guides in the late, gray afternoon for myself and the five cars behind me until we got forced off the road in Burlington, Colorado.  With the last hotel room taken by the occupants of one of the cars I'd intrepidly lead (BASTARDS!) I ended up sleeping on the floor of a church along with some 100 other weary, stranded travelers.

Hanging out around the altar area, I was lucky enough to befriend a family with a portable DVD player, which proved exceptionally handy for passing the time until I-70 reopened.  (Those poor folks, they'd flown down to Dallas to pick up the college junior-age daughter's new car -- a BMW 3-series convertible -- and got caught in this crap driving it home.  They'd already run the pretty little Bimmer into a light pole in Burlington.  Ouch.)  We watched a couple movies, then settled down for some unsettled sleep under a few donated blankets.  (Thanks to the folks of Burlington for those, by the way.)

The highway reopened around 3am, but our group decided to wait for sunrise to restart our trip West.  I offered to follow them out of town, which was a lucky deal, as one of the BMW's rear tires separated itself from its rim not 15 minutes outside of Burlington.  They left the car by the side of the road and called BMW roadside assistance to come rescue it as I ferried us all back home.  Them to Fort Collins, me to Denver.  The '01 S4 never missed a beat the entire way.  When I look back someday over all the cars I've owned, she'll surely win the award for trustiest winter steed ever.

So what does this mean for you?  What are your "take aways" from this blog post?  Here are a few:

1. A '01 S4 shod with Blizzaks can go anywhere, anytime.
2. Don't live in Burlington, CO.  They get some of the worst weather in Colorado, summer and winter.
3. If you didn't grow up driving in snow during Midwest winters, you don't know JACK about winter driving.
4. If the roads are bad, don't drive past your limits.  Be safe.
5. I love S4s.

Feel free to add others to this list as they come to you.

A letter from this author to my blog

Dear thewizardofosborne.typepad.com,

Sorry that I've been so horribly belated in updating your design and writing some new posts.  You've got a new design now (yes, it still needs work, I know) and new posts will be coming shortly.  I SWEAR.  I've seriously got a whole list of ideas in my Sandy account just waiting to be written.

Hang in there, blog.  I promise to have you back to your sarcastically sassy self soon. 

Love,
Wizard